


Dude, Where's My Horse Alternate Version

by Pokejedservo



Category: All Grown Up!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, F/M, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-15
Updated: 2013-01-15
Packaged: 2017-11-25 16:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/640771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokejedservo/pseuds/Pokejedservo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This my rewrite of the AGU special "Dude Where's My Horse" in which the basic plot of the kids going to an Ostrich ranch is there but there will be some differences. While this is a bit darker and more demented than the original episode it is still a relatively light-hearten comedic fic here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dude, Where's My Horse Alternate Version

**Author's Note:**

> The song here "Dyl went down to California" was basically a parody of the Charlie Daniels Band song "Devil went down to Georgia".

Tommy (narrating): Ah the golden days of Summer what a sweet time for young and old alike. Swimming pools, Hollywood Blockbusters, Fireworks, Grills, Bikinis, you name it this season has got it. And of course… (Now talking) Some nice cold lemonade!

Phil: Cool I’ll take a cup of Lemonade…

(And after the proper exchange of drink and small change, Phil takes a swig but…)

Phil (with a bit of a twitch in his eye): Heh heh heh heh… Exit Stage Left!

(He rans away in a mad dash)

Tommy (dryly): You put too much sugar in the Lemonade again did ya?

(Dyl facefaults in shame)

Tommy: Its okay Dyl maybe if we’re lucky he might not run out into Traffic this time.

(Meanwhile over at the mall while Susie is nearby drinking a Mocha Java, Angelica and Kimmi and Chuckie are at the swimsuit section at the Clothes store.)

Angelica: Ta-dah!

(Kimmi’s eyes slightly grew in shock while Chuckie is not only completely red-faced but…)

Chuckie: Must… not… stare…

Kimmi: Yeah… How about a little something more “swimsuit” and a little less “just a bunch of strings of gaudy jewels you put together”. I mean there is a reason why Chuckie is trying to cover his nose here.

Chuckie: Did you have to go into THAT much detail?

Angelica (with a bit of a smirk): Alright, Alright though I should take that as a compliment in a way. (Moments later) How about this? (She is now wearing a 2-piece purple swimsuit with 2 white stars on the bikini top.)

Kimmi: Better… of sorts…

Chuckie (Trying to regain his composure): Yeah… of sorts…

(After she changed back into her regular clothes)

Kimmi: Though I dunno Angelica... Which ones should I pick? The Panda? The Phoenix? The Peacock? Or the Sati?

Angelica: Hmmm… Get the 1st two now and wait til you’re a little bit older for the latter two.

Kimmi: Hmmm… Makes sense…

(Phil runs through the mall laughing like a maniac)

Kimmi: Funny I thought Tommy told Dyl not to overdo it on the Sugar.

Angelica: He did, apparently he didn’t quite get through to him yet.

Chuckie: I wonder how long will it be til’ Lil starts to chase him all around the whole place?

(And she just did, while Susie sips on her Mocha while covering her face with a menu from one of the Food Court’s restaurants.)

Kimmi and Angelica: Oh about that long…

Chuckie: Ahh… I see…

(Meanwhile back at the front yard of the Tommy & Dyl Pickles residence.)

Tommy (narrating): Yeah life was going kind of normal in its own certain way. But if you thought that was strange wait til you see a certain week-long trip we’ve been through not too long ago…

(It was a nice summer afternoon, course one could not tell at first what with all 8 of the kids inside the unlit living room watching TV. But that's about to change in a few moments.)

Grandpa Lou: Okay sprouts, time for a little announcement…

Phil: Busy…

Kimmi: Watching…

Lil: TV…

Grandpa Lou: Oh really? Well its been a while since the last time I did any gardening but I still remember what sprouts truly need.

(He opens up the windows and as the kids shouted in pain except for Dyl whose making a pretty decent dead cockroach impersonation right now.)

Phil: IT BURNS US! IT BURNS US!

Lil: Yeah put the windows down, I’m starting to agree with one of his stupid jokes!

Grandpa Lou: Heh heh heh, hey at least I didn’t use the other things that sprouts needed…

Didi (smirking): Like I’d let you go that far in here…

Grandpa Lou: Anyways this here is my old friend namely Senior Red

Senior Red: Howdy y’all…

Dyl: Wait a minute… I recognize you…

Senior Red: You do?

Dyl: Yeah I do… I got it you’re the guy who says he has been having Diabetes for years on TV! Wow, you lost weight…

Senior Red: What?! (Thinking) Dang it all and I was hoping he’d mistake me for Burt Reynolds in that Dukes of Hazard Movie.

Grandpa Lou (with a sheepish grin): Eh heh heh heh heh… Don’t mind this sprout he hasn’t got enough sunlight yet.

Senior Red: Ookay… Anyways the reason why I’m here is because I’ve been talking with my old bud Lou on getting you kids over to my ranch.

Grandpa Lou: Yep and I went with it…

7 out of 8 of the Rugrats: What?!

Grandpa Lou: Actually I was talking about it with Tommy beforehand and he said you guys would go for it.

Angelica: Oh really?

Tommy: Oh C’mon you guys we used to play Cowboys and Indians all the time!

Chuckie: We did?

Phil: Since when?

Tommy: Ah c’mon Phil you were once playing with those cheap toy shotguns they sold in stores.

Phil: I was learning on how to hunt bugs for food! Ehhh… I meant sport…

Tommy: Well… Anyways, Angelica I once saw you tying up Chuckie with a lasso rope!

Angelica (while looking away): Eh… no comment…

Chuckie (following suit): Eh… yeah…

Tommy: Anyways it’ll be just another nice trip for us all to get to bond with each over.

Susie: Hmmm… Okay, I’m all for it!

Most of the Rugrats: HUH?!

Susie: Lets just say I have my reasons…

Dyl: Wait a minute, I’ll go too…

Angelica: Well they might want to go but we won’t!

Chuckie, Kimmi and the Deville Twins: Yeah!

Grandpa Lou: Oh Yes you are, I’ve talked with your parents and they all agreed to it (while now looking at Phil and Lil) Especially your mom and you know how she gets when she agrees to something!

(They grumble in defeat)

Grandpa Lou: Alrighty then, just about all of us will leave tomorrow morning…

(As Grandpa Lou, Didi and Senior Red leave.)

Lil: Tommy! How can you agree to get us into some Ranch without telling us first?!

Kimmi: Yeah haven’t you learned anything from that movie you were trying to make of us?

Tommy: That was different Kimmi, besides I wanted it to be a surprise. I mean I thought you all would want to go…

Angelica: Yeah well in case its not blatantly obvious enough, we DON’T want to go!

Tommy: Well… that's… not completely true I mean there is Susie…

Angelica: Oh please Tommy, we all know that Susie is too “Goody-Goody” for to miss on such “Wholesome” entertainment like this.

(Susie looked a little annoyed at Angelica.)

Tommy: Well… what about Dyl?

Dyl: I can explain that, it is to get a little closer to the land of the “Hospital de Tenticon”

(Most of them looked at Dyl rather oddly)

Tommy: *sigh* Its some Spanish Soap Opera he’s been obsessing about!

Dyl: Muy Caliente El’ Enchilada

Tommy: Though needless to say he doesn’t speak Spanish at all yet he watches it anyways…

Kimmi: Though you should try to learn how to speak it…

Dyl: Very true, could you help me there Kimmi?

Kimmi: No offense Dyl but I’m more for Japanese than Spanish

Dyl: I know, but I want to get really absorbed into that culture. And who better to ask when it comes to being REALLY dedicated on learning a culture than you are.

Kimmi (with a slight look of self-disgust as some of the others snickered): Yeah… (After she regains her composure) I’ll… think about that Dyl…

Dyl: Cool…

Lil: Well I guess we’ll be going now…

Dyl: Okay then, see you guys real soon.

Angelica: Oh we will but in this case it’ll be a little TOO soon…

Most of the other kids: Yeah!

(Tommy gulps as the others went back to their respective homes. Meanwhile later on that night as Tommy is having a bit of a sleepless night.)

Dyl: Hey Tommy

Tommy: Hey Dyl, Heh guess you can’t sleep either… (He notices that Dyl is not nearby the door) Huh?

Dyl: Right behind ya’ Tommy

Tommy (Startled): AH! Dyl how did you… (He notices the little hole nearby) What the…

Dyl: I’m making my own excavation system, in case of emergencies of course…

Tommy: *sigh* As long as it doesn’t screw up the house I guess I should be okay with that. But be careful this house isn’t exactly the most known for being structurally safe.

Dyl: Cool, anyways what's the prob Tommy?

Tommy: Oh you saw how they were when the plans for us to go into the Ranch were announced. They were practically ready to tear me apart!

Dyl: Well its not like you asked…

Tommy: *sigh* I know… But I’ve been trying to tell them I more wanted it to be a surprise; I didn’t think it would be such a problem with them.

Dyl: It’s like my fortune cookie said “Not all surprises are welcomed but your memories still can be of good use”

Tommy: That's an odd fortune for you to get.

Dyl: I know, I usually I get fortunes that tell me to blow up planets and that all your base are belong to me.

Tommy: Yeah that was one reason why we stopped going to those eh… “restaurants”.

Dyl: Sad but true

Tommy: Though come to think of it your fortune actually makes sense in a way to me. I mean its not the first time I did something that the others didn’t like that I probably shouldn’t have done. Kind of like that infamous little piece of cinema of mine that Kimmi mentioned earlier today. But I was able to make it up to them then, and well I might as well try to make it up to them this time as well. Y’know I’m really glad we had this talk Dyl, its not often we have half-way sensible little man-to-man, brother-to-brother talks like this. Now I feel more confident about Tomorrow…

Dyl (slightly muffled): Glad to hear it T…

Tommy: Ah yeah… Huh? HEY! (He swipes a Ramen Cup off Dyl’s hands) Why were you eating my Ramen leftovers from tonight’s dinner? This isn’t a convenience store you know!

Dyl: I was hungry… besides didn’t think you were going to eat it…

Tommy: I was just saving them, that's all…

Dyl: Okay then, see ya’…

Tommy: Yeah see ya…

(And the next day came in as they are all in the bus; Angelica is busy kicking his seat.)

Tommy: Ouch! Stop it Angelica!

Angelica: What for? It’s the least I could do to be “thankful” for this trip.

Tommy: *sigh* Look guys I’m sorry that most of you are not liking this.

Kimmi: Then how come you never said a thing about it to us beforehand?

Tommy: I wanted it to be a surprise, I never wanted it to go like this. I can assure you I had good intentions throughout this whole plan.

Angelica: Yeah well just remember of a certain place that uses that for road pavement.

Tommy: *sigh* Susie, can you help me out here please?

Susie (with a sinister smile and tone): Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh… Actually Tommy I have a rather different plan.

Tommy: Different… plan?

Susie: Yes… I have a rather different plan… While you tried to secretly plot a fun trip for us all, I’ve been thinking of something a bit more… For years you’ve known me as the “Nice Girl” the sweet, innocent type whom would NEVER do anything naughty right?

Tommy: Ehhh… yeah…

Susie: Well not anymore! Lately I’ve been getting rather tired of being the “Nice Girl” amongst us. The real reason why I’ve been rather reclusive lately is because I’ve been thinking of how to utilize my inner desire for evil. But then I began to realize a certain something… You see for as far back as we can remember we always go to a vacation spot during each summer. So I was just biding my time until I found out where we were going to this year. I wanted to start small, and then build my evil empire from the ground-up. But then just yesterday I heard of Tommy’s plan to get us all to arrive to some Country Ranch. I’ve been racking my brain throughout that night to figure out how I can truly start my evil conquest. And then while I was drinking my milk then it dawned upon me… COWS!

(They look at her in confusion)

Susie: Yes! Cows! In order to be in power one must show power! You see later on tonight when nobody there is expecting, I, Susie Carmichael shall do the explicit deed of… COW TIPPING!

(They still look at her in confusion)

Susie: YES! I will strike down those walking beefsacks with all my might! And then those foolish peasants over at that ranch will beg me to be their leader! And then the ranch shall soon be my malevolent fortress of evil in which I shall soon conquer! This week the Ranch THIS MONTH THE WORLD!

Dyl: Well good luck with that!

(Most of them just looked at him)

Dyl: What?

Susie: Thank you and not to worry dear friends I maybe sinister but not treacherous, when I rule the world you will all have a good seat of power. Especially you Kimmi, in fact your connections with bureaucracy will come in handy.

Kimmi: Oh really?

Susie: Oh yes didn’t you know that cows and bureaucrats make great stepping stones into total world domination?

Kimmi: Well okay Susie… If you say so…

Susie: Oh trust me I do, but as for you Angelica I’m afraid your evil reign as the crimelord of us all will soon end.

Angelica: Huh?

Susie: Oh don’t you think for a second I don’t know about your countless attempts to sell off counterfeit products on the open market! And especially your little ring of slave boys, the majority of them redheads, in which you have them do your dark desires for your devious pleasure. Heh heh heh…

(Meanwhile Chuckie whistles non-chalantly while slightly breaking a sweat.)

Susie: So overall YOU WILL BE GOING DOWN!

Angelica: Yeah…

Susie: Anyways tonight my evil plot hatches and then the REAL fun begins… Heh heh heh heh heh heh… I AM SUSIE! OVERLORD OF EVIL! (As she “slids into the shadows” namely into one of the lesser lit corners of the bus) Muahahahahahahaha!

(Short awkward pause)

Angelica: Okay anyone have any idea on what just happened?

(They shook their heads no)

Kimmi (thinking): Oh I hope that actually was Milk she drank last night…

(A little while they finally arrive at the Ranch they take a good look around. While Susie plots on how to redecorate her future base most of the others looked in mild disgust. But that soon changed as they heard old Cowboy movie music blaring in the air. It startled them all especially Chuckie who fell down on the water basket slightly konked out.)

Senior Red: Ahahahahahahaha… Ah man that joke works every time!

Grandpa Lou: Yeah wasn’t funny then, still not funny now…

(Angelica and Kimmi now tend to Chuckie whom is still in the water basket.)

Kimmi: Okay I’ll hold onto his feet and you’ll give his head a good grabbing.

Angelica: Like we usually do?

Kimmi: Yeah

(And they did and got him out and as Chuckie regains consciousness)

Senior Red: Anyways meet my family here namely my son Big Red…

Big Red: Howdy

Senior Red: My grandson Little Red…

Little Red: Hey dudes…

Senior Red: And our special assistant Tiny

Tiny: Hi

Angelica (dryly): My what an original name…

Senior Red: Anyways that shack over there is where you’ll be sleeping for the night. And right over there is our pasture and the horses are right nearby were we are.

(They walked over to the shack and saw a mostly empty room with 8 mattresses on the floor.)

Angelica: THIS IS IT?!

Big Red: Why not, its not like any ranch would have buildings made for 8 people to sleep in one room.

Angelica: BUT JUST A BUNCH OF CHEAP MATTRESSES?! AND NO ELECTRICTY?! NO PLUMBING?! WHAT ARE YOU, THE AMISH?!

Big Red: We got plenty of Lamps for the Night and the sinks are in our house.

Dyl: Wait a minute… There is no TV… THERE IS NO TV! NOOOOOOOOOOO! HOW WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO WATCH HOSPITAL DE TENTICON NOW?!

Senior Red: Eh… yeah that's… such a shame… yeah…

Tommy: Now guys its not so bad, sure the place is rather low-tech but we’ll still be able to have all the fun of ranch… right?

Chuckie: *sigh* Okay Tommy, I’ll try to be fair… *ahem* Excuse me but when do we do the fun stuff of a Ranch like Horse riding and learning how to Lasso and the like?

Big Red: Well first things first, you kids got chores to do namely a pretty good amount of menial labor.

Chuckie: Menial labor?

(Needless to say they are not pleased and as Tommy has a twitch in his left eye and is nervously gritting his teeth.)

Tommy: Eh heh heh heh… would you mind toning down that “Menial Labor” part a bit please?

Big Red: Why should I?

Tommy: Oh I dunno I just don’t want them to kill me in my sleep tonight, that’s all…

Big Red: Huh?

Tommy: What I mean is that they had a busy day and could we at least get settled in with a bit of rest?

Grandpa Lou: Don’t worry sprouts; the amount of work is not as bad as you think. They just say it’s a lot to make you think their so rugged and tough. It’s really not that much different compared to what you sprouts do at home.

Big Red: NOW WHAT YOU TELL THEM THAT FOR?!

Grandpa Lou: It was very much for Tommy’s sake, trust me on this one.

Big Red: *sigh* Alright, alright… Settle in and rest up… But we still have work to do! *sigh* City Slickers… I have no idea why do they even bother coming here…

Angelica: Oh trust me if it wasn’t for “Tomthedict Arnold” here we wouldn’t be here…

Tommy: *sigh*

(A Short while later, Big Red directs them over to the Horse Stable and…)

Big Red: Alright kids here we are on your first task, you see those horses? Clean up their messes on the floor.

Angelica: You have GOT to be kidding me…

Phil: YES! More trash work to do!

Lil (dryly): Well Tommy I can assure you this much it looks like your grandpa was right. I’ve seen some of Phil’s stuff that smells worse.

Tommy: Well at least somebody else is having a bit more fun now.

(They work on cleaning up the Horse feces, most of them feeling a bit reluctant ESPECIALLY Lil. However while Phil enjoys his work, Tommy notices Susie doing something a little peculiar.)

Tommy: Susie what are you doing?

Susie: I’m inspecting this piece of Horse Feces…

Tommy: Why?

Susie: If it’ll make good ammunition for my takeover of this ranch, gotta use whatever you can y’know?

Tommy: Yeeeah…

(A little later on they are still doing some work but this time a little more separately and a little less smelly. Well except for Phil whom is getting stuff out of the mud. Chuckie is putting the eggs away while most of the others are busy cleaning the horses themselves. Except Susie whom was giving the Cattle some good inspection. But meanwhile back to the horse cleaning.)

Kimmi: Say Angelica?

Angelica: Yeah Kimmi?

Kimmi: Shouldn’t we be a bit more worried about Susie? I mean ever since she proclaimed her sudden desire to be evil she has been acting a bit… strange…

Angelica: Heh doubt its anything for us to worry about…

Kimmi: I dunno especially since she is also now dedicated in taking your “Bad Girl” reputation from you.

Angelica: Oh please we’re talking about someone whom suddenly thinks that tipping cows is one of the best ways to rule the world. If there is any Pickle around who should be fearing any competition its Dyl for biggest lunatic.

Kimmi: *sigh* Maybe your right… (Now has a bit of a smile) Though come to think of it we should be happy Susie is becoming rather insane.

Angelica: Oh really?

Kimmi: Oh yeah, I mean we all know smart and sensible Susie normally is before her little speech on the Bus today. If she wanted to be evil and was still her sane, sensible self then who knows WHAT will happen huh?

(As Angelica’s eyes slightly bulge in shock)

Angelica (in a slightly worried tone): Eh yeah… heh heh… good point…

Kimmi (with a bit of a smirk): Heh thought so…

(Little Red then walks over to the 2 girls and…)

Little Red (while particularly looking at Angelica): Howdy…

Kimmi: Oh hello…

Angelica: Yeah hi…

Little Red: Well that's how-do-you-do, especially from a lovely little lady like yourself.

Angelica: Oh please, are you trying to hit on me?

Little Red: But-but… I heard you REALLY have a thing for red-heads…

Angelica: Oh really? (She quickly gives Kimmi a rather sharp glare)

Kimmi: Hey don’t look at me!

Angelica: *sigh* Well alright then I… (She notices that he is not in front of her anymore) Huh? What the?

(She now notices that he is trying to whisper a little something to Kimmi’s ear)

Little Red: Psst… It’s the one in the glasses isn’t it?

Angelica: I heard that!

(Little Red ran off as fast as he could.)

Angelica (while whispering to Kimmi): And you’d better not answer that question to him later.

Kimmi: Yes Ma’am…

(Meanwhile as Lil and Tommy are cleaning horses)

Dyl (from underneath the horse he is supposed to be cleaning): Hey do any of you two know where I can find a good socket wrench? Gotta need that when I clean the oil filter down here don’t y’know…

Lil (once again rather confused): Huh?

Tommy (dryly): And to think this is why I told Big Red not to let him near the cows…

Lil: Could’ve been worse, at least this ranch doesn’t have any bulls…

Tommy: True, true…

Dyl: Oh there it is! Silly me…

(Dyl goes back to work, lucky for him the Horse doesn’t seem to mind or care. Why? Who knows…)

(Meanwhile, A little later on the day…)

Tiny: Would you like to be my helper in the kitchen?

Kimmi: What's in it for me?

Tiny: You’ll get to just do basic work in the Kitchen.

Kimmi: Cool! Its sounds a lot better than this!

Tiny: Great, you’ll start now and get to wake up earlier than the others…

Kimmi: Wake up earlier than the others?

Tiny: Yep, gotta make a good breakfast don’t ya know?

Kimmi: Yeah…

(Later on that night as their about to turn in for the night…)

Tommy: Alright we have Dyl, Chuckie, Kimmi, The Deville Twins… Hey where’s Angelica and Susie?

Kimmi: Susie’s out to put her “evil plan” to action…

Tommy: Oh yeah I almost forgot about that, and Angelica?

Kimmi: Said she wasn’t sleepy yet so she went ahead and took a little walk outside.

Tommy: Oh OK then…

(And as they were trying to sleep Lil starts to smell something)

Lil: Ewww…

(She grabs a spray bottle and wipes Phil’s bed clean)

Lil: There, much better…

(Phil then got up and gathered a big pile of dirt and poured it right on Lil’s bed.)

Lil: Ahh!! Phillip!

Phil: Heh heh heh… turnabout is fair play Lillian!

Lil: Oh no you don’t!

(And their off! But Tommy was the only one remotely bothered while Dyl, Chuckie and Kimmi still sleep. Chuckie and Kimmi sleep soundly but Dyl is mumbling in Spanish in his sleep.)

(Meanwhile over at the Cow Pasture, Susie stalks her prey as she is about to sneak up to it, suddenly the cow saw her coming. Susie looked a bit nervous at her opponent at first but then as it seems that the cow wants her to get out of its way.)

Susie (suddenly a lot more confident now): I move… for no cow

Cow: Moo

(She rushes in for the attack but as the cow tries to look and move away she makes carefully strategic dodges to try to disorient the cow. She then goes for the tackle to tip the cow over but the cow layed down on its belly then Susie trips over the cow.)

Susie: Ahhhhh!! *Thud!*

Cow: Moo

Susie: Tis’ but a slip…

Cow: Moo?

Susie: Yeah it was just a slip!

Cow: Moo

Susie: Well I’ve had worse…

Cow: Moo

Susie: C’mon you beef pansy!

(She then tries to strike from the bushes but that doesn’t work as well and as makes another misfire of an attempt to get that cow down.)

Susie: Ahhhhhhhhh!! *Thud!*

(The cow is not even looking at Susie but as it was about to walk away it suddenly noticed that Susie is now just pushing it down.)

Cow: Moo?

Susie: Oh had enough eh? C’mon then you stupid cow…

Cow: Moo

Susie: Have at you!

Cow: Moo

Susie: Yes I can!

Cow: Moo

(Susie misses and falls down, again…)

Susie: Right, I’ll do you for that!

Cow: Moo

Susie: I’M INVINCIBLE!

Cow: Moo

Susie: THE OVERLORD OF EVIL ALWAYS TRIUMPHS! HAVE AT YOU! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!

(Susie gives it one last try before she fell and got stuck on the gate this time.)

Susie: Alright then we’ll call it a draw…

Cow: Moo

(And as the cow walks away)

Susie: Oh running away eh? YOU WALKING MILKTANK! COME BACK AND GET WHAT'S COMING TO YOU! I’LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!

(Meanwhile as Angelica is now nearby a haystack, and as she overhears Lil and Phil fighting again from a distance…)

Angelica: *sigh* Just as I thought… It was for the best that I came here; hopefully I’ll actually have a decent chance of getting any sleep… (As she lies down on a pile of hay) Wow this is actually pretty comfy… (She quickly falls asleep)

(Meanwhile in the next morning, things were going rather calmer at first. Tommy & Chuckie greeted one another calmly until they got surprised by a rather loud scream. They try to find out what's going on until Angelica came in running. She ran and leapt onto Chuckie grappling him. She gave him a good grasp, but he can’t see since part of her upper body is covering his face )

Tommy: Woah Angelica running in fear and cowering on Chuckie? This does not feel right…

Chuckie (muffled): Speak for yourself!

(Lucky for him Angelica was too scared to properly hear that)

Angelica: AAAAAAAHH!!

Tommy: Calm down Angelica, what's the problem?

Angelica: Just a little while ago while I was about to wake up, something kept giving me this sort of strange feeling on my back. I kept getting it more & more, it was really creepy… That's why I ran over here.

(And as she got down, Big Red walked over to them.)

Angelica: And you, I dunno WHAT your keeping in this ranch you sick freak but something was trying to get onto my back!

Big Red: Oh you mean this? (He shows them a baby Ostrich) Found the little critter when I went to where you were running away screaming from.

Tommy: That’s it?

Angelica: Hey its not like I actually saw the thing that was on my back! Everyone knows that things are at their scariest when we DON’T see them.

Chuckie: Fair enough

Tommy: I suppose…

Big Red: Anyways I’ll go put this little feller here with the other Ostriches

Angelica: Heh see that you do…

Big Red: Alright then well you 3 better get inside, breakfast is about ready…

All 3 of them: Alright…

(And as they arrive inside things seemed to have went peacefully until they saw Phil and Dyl acting a little bit… strange)

Dyl (with a bit of a slurr): Por Favor y Gris y Grande

Tommy: Oookay Dyl what's wrong with you now?

Lil: They’ve been like this since earlier this morning!

Phil: *hiccup* You guys should try this Ginger Ale and Grape Juice! It’ll knock your socks off!

Lil (with a bit of a disgusted look in her face): Ginger Ale and Grape Juice? Big Red, what are they really drinking?!

Big Red: Look, if they said that they were just drinking Ginger Ale and Grape Juice, then that's all there is to it.

Lil: Does it LOOK like their drinking normal drinks?!

(And after Big Red briefly watches them trying to have a sing-along but are making barely coherent noises.)

Big Red: I’ll go recheck the bottles…

Kimmi: Yeah they haven’t been like that since those Mushroom omelet’s I gave them earlier.

(Just about all of them gave her a bit of a glare)

Kimmi: What? (And after a brief awkward pause and a semi-disgusted look) I’ll go re-check my ingredients…

Dyl (while rubbing a pitcher cheerfully): Loco Elephante… Loco Elephante…

Phil (while trying to grope a trashcan): Hey there you sexy beast, wanna get frisky?

Lil: Will you two hurry up?! Their getting worse!

(A little later on that day all 8 of the Rugrats went over to meet their respective horses. Except for Dyl who for some odd reason got a Donkey instead, why? Who knows… All of the horses have apparently been customized to look like their human riders, coincidence? Probably not…)

Big Red: Alright you city slickers I normally don’t do this so soon but since you’ll only be here for a week and this is why you came here I might as well get these lessons started. Alrighty then Little Red hand them their saddles…

Little Red: Alrighty then Pop…

(And he does that and he tries to give Angelica a bit of a sly smile as he hands her saddle over to her but she pretty much ignored him.)

Big Red: Now then here’s how you place a saddle on a horse…

(And he does that…)

Big Red: Alrighty then now you try it…

(And just about all of them got it right on the 1st try except for Tommy whom is struggling to get it to stay on top. And as the others gave him a rather blank glare…)

Tommy (with another sheepish smile): Eh heh heh heh… Don’t worry folks I’ll get this… *under his breath* eventually…

Big Red: *sigh*

(Little Red helps Tommy get the saddle settled in on his horse.)

Big Red: Alright now here is how to get on your horse.

(And he does that as well.)

Big Red: Now you try…

(And the others did so and did it well on the first try again, except for of course Tommy whom is trying not to fall off of his horse. Luckily some of the others helped him get back up.)

Big Red (thinking): Come to think of it maybe it was a good thing to start early, this one needs all the help he can get…

(They got started on the Lasso lessons, they did well except for Tommy who kept accidentally tying up Lil. However they soon end up getting a little visitor namely that little baby Ostrich whom soon met up with Tommy, Chuckie and Angelica just a short while ago.)

Angelica: What?! You again?!

Kimmi: What the? What's going on here?

Tommy: Some baby ostrich that spooked Angelica into waking up while running and screaming this morning.

Angelica: *Ahem*!

Tommy: Oh yeah but for the record she never actually saw it, she had a strange creeping feeling on her back. But apparently she was the first living thing it saw therefore thinks she is it’s mother.

Angelica: It thinks I’m its mom? Oh please why would I want to be the mom of this little reject?

Lil: Hey Angelica you can’t call a baby animal Reject!

Kimmi: Yeah don’t blame it for you being in the wrong place in the wrong time.

Angelica: Hey and I’m also not exactly “Mother of the Year” material either!

Big Red: Alright, alright I’ll try to put it back with the other Ostriches…

(And he does so, but the baby Ostrich Reject kept trying to hide this time just so he won’t be separated from his “mother”.)

Big Red: Well it looks like its for the best to not to do that. If I did anymore it’d probably go a bit too hostile. Heh looks like your stuck with it.

Angelica: Great… gee… thanks…

(Over the course of the day the lessons on the various things to do on a Ranch continued. And as usual most of them did except for Tommy whom was failing miserably. Though to be fair when it came to herding the cows in, Susie also had a bit of trouble working on that job properly too with Tommy. But that's only because she is still a bit sore at one of them for her botched plan last night. Kimmi occasionally still had work to do in the Kitchen. Lil was still trying to keep her distance from Phil’s rather smelly ways as Angelica is trying to keep Reject from bugging her every now & then. It was starting to go a little later on that day, Tommy started to hear some very well done Harmonica music. And much to his surprise he found where it was coming from.)

Tommy: Chuckie, I didn’t know you played the Harmonica!

Chuckie: Yep been practicing it lately, only just recently got really good at it too. Course considering on how surprisingly lucky I’ve been lately guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Tommy: Ugh don’t even talk to me about luck!

Chuckie: Aw what's the matter Tommy?

Tommy: Haven’t you seen me out there today? I’ve been practically the worst Cowboy ever, I mean Phil and Dyl were doing much better than I did and they never fully recovered from their breakfast this morning!

Chuckie: Its only been one day since we started on this Tommy give it time. Besides I’ve been use to feeling like a failure a lot more often then you ever did trust me. But right now ever since I started these lessons earlier today I’m feeling a lot more confident lately heck the rest of us were as well for the most part. Hopefully that great feeling will come to you too Tommy.

Tommy: Maybe, at least I hope it will…

(They now see Angelica from a distance arguing with her “new baby” namely Reject.)

Tommy: *sigh* And I see Angelica is still having trouble with that new baby Ostrich of hers, something should be done about that.

Chuckie: You know what Tommy? Your absolutely right…

Tommy: I am?

Chuckie (and as he is walking over there): Yep

Tommy: Hey wait a minute what are you doing?

Chuckie: You’ll see… *Ahem* Excuse me, Angelica?

Angelica: Ehhh… yes?

Chuckie: I see your still having trouble handling your little ostrich here.

Angelica: Yeah what about it?

Chuckie: Well I’d just thought I offer to help you out here.

Angelica: Help? Heh oh please Finster you can have it for all I care.

Kimmi: *sigh* Like it or not Angelica, this baby ostrich thinks you’re its mother!

Chuckie: Now now Kimmi, while it is true that it’ll believe your its mother no matter what lets not be too harsh and hasty over this. I mean it wouldn’t be fair to lump this responsibility entirely on Angelica just because she slept somewhere else and accidentally caused this to happen. Our trip to this Ranch has already changed me. My seemingly sudden good luck has made me all the more confident lately, but I wouldn’t want to misuse it. So I’d thought I do the gentlemanly thing and agree to help take care of this baby. Besides I’ve taken care of birds before so I have some experience.

Angelica: You’d really do that?

Chuckie: Sure…

Angelica: Wow… Thanks Chuckie…

you go… (And as he now faces her) By the way, where did you sleep last night?

Angelica: In a pile of hay nearby the Ostrich den, why do you ask?

Chuckie (slightly nervous): Oh nothing… just a little curious…

Angelica: Oh… well okay…

(And as he walks away, Angelica just simply has a nice smile on her face…)

Angelica: Heh looks like it is a good thing that chivalry isn’t dead huh?

Kimmi: Yeah you definitely seem to be satisfied…

Angelica: Is it such a crime to appreciate good chivalry every now & then? Hmm?

Kimmi: Okay then…

(Meanwhile, a small distance away as Tommy is trying to talk to Chuckie.)

Tommy: I can’t believe your actually doing this.

Chuckie: It’s like I said before, Angelica needed some help so I thought I do so. It’s as simple as that really.

Tommy: Oh really then how come you got nervous for a moment there?

Chuckie: Well… Okay, remember when she said that she slept in a hay pile near the door of the Ostrich Den?

Tommy: Yeah

Chuckie: Well… you see, when I was putting the eggs away to places in which they can warm up on in the den yesterday. And well when Angelica told me where she slept, that reminded me that I… placed Reject’s egg in that very Hay Pile.

Tommy: You… Ohhh… I see… Okay let me guess, one of the other reasons why you’re doing this is because you feel “partially responsible”?

Chuckie: In a way I suppose you can say that…

Tommy: Oh… okay then…

(Later on that night, Chuckie is seen right nearby a window and as Little Red approaches him.)

Little Red: Howdy…

Chuckie: Hey…

Little Red: Nice night huh?

Chuckie: Yep

Little Red: There was one strange thing that happened…

Chuckie: If it has anything to do with a certain young boy running around in strange robes or a certain young girl trying to tip cows well… I’m not quite sure how to explain that to be honest…

Little Red: No, but that pretty blond girl your with, what was her name… Angelica? Yeah, well anyways I’ve been seeing her awfully happy lately I wonder why is that?

Chuckie: Oh, well that I can explain, you see she is simply relieved that she’ll no longer have to take care of her new baby by herself.

Little Red: New Baby?!

Chuckie: Yep, but I thought I do something nice and be more available to help her out. I mean over the years we have developed a bit of an understanding amongst the two of us.

Little Red: But how in the… how the… what the… So let me get this straight. She is the mommy of a new baby?

Chuckie: Yep and I’m the daddy.

(Little Red’s mouth just utterly gapes in shock and then he runs off screaming while Susie is still trying to tip that cow over.)

Little Red: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!! I WAS RIGHT! IT WAS THE ONE IN THE GLASSES! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

(Meanwhile back nearby the window)

Chuckie: Hmmm… I wonder what's his problem? (As he now looks at Reject while giving it some milk from one of small squeezable droppers he borrowed from the Kitchen) Do you have any idea?

(Reject shook its head no)

Chuckie: Heh, thought so…

(And then Wednesday came in and there was going to be something going down there inside the Ranch’s Saloon. Things seemed to be going rather peacefully, however something not so normal occurred. Phil was being surprisingly quiet and Dyl has not arrived yet. What does this mean? That’ll be answered soon enough …)

(Author’s Note: The Following lyrics are of a satirical homage of mine to a certain 1970’s song.)

(And as Dyl arrives inside with a red robe and stylized orange shades…)

The Dyl came from California  
He was looking for some mold that's quite a steal  
He was in a bind  
Cause whose he gonna find  
To be making such a deal  
When he came across this young man  
Playing them cards and shuffling them hot  
And the Dyl went down on a hickory chair stump  
And said, "Boy" let me tell you what  
I guess you didn't know it  
But I'm a poker player too  
And if you'd care  
To take a dare  
I'll make a bet with you  
Now you played pretty good poker, boy  
But give the Dyl his due  
I bet this medal of gold against your mold  
Cause I think I'm better than you  
The boy said "My name's Philly  
And it might be a sin  
But I'll take you bet, your gonna regret  
Cause I'm the best that's ever been"

Philly risin up to the show  
And play your hand hard  
Cause Dyl's broke loose upon California  
And all Aces are wild  
And if you win you get this shiny medal made of gold  
But if you lose, the Dyl gets your mold!

The Dyl opened up his case  
And he said "I'll start this show"  
And fire flew from his finger tips  
As he readied up some cards for show  
And he pulled off the show amon’ other things  
And as its quite a evil diss  
Then a band of their friends joined in  
And it looked something like this

(The battle intensifies and it looks like Dyl is winning in this little “2 out of 3” match of Poker. But does Phil feel down and out already? Not quite yet…)

When the Dyl finished, Philly said  
Well you're pretty good ol’ son  
But sit down in that chair right there  
And let me show you how it's done

(And as their battle intensifies even more so…)

Fire on the card mount run kids run  
Dyls with the lass from the rising sun  
Ostrich in the bread pan picking out dough  
Angie does your kid bite, no-child-no

(The music intensifies until the battle is over and…)

The Dyl banged his head  
Because he knew that he'd been beat  
And he laid that golden medal  
On the ground at Philly's feet  
Philly said "Dyl just come on back  
If you ever want to try again  
I done told you once, you son of a BLEEP  
I'm the best that's ever been"  
He played…

(And as he dances around pretending to play the fiddle wildly)

Fire on the card mount run kids run  
Dyls with the lass from the rising sun  
Ostrich in the bread pan picking out dough  
Angie will your kid bite, no-Child-no

(He dances some more much to the confusion for a little while longer… then he stops.)

Lil: Was that REALLY necessary?

Phil: Probably not, but hey it was fun…

(And as Dyl’s head arises…)

Dyl: Au De Veux Maman

Angelica: Uh Dyl why are you crying in French?

Dyl: I was?! Curses! And here I thought I made a passionate lament of my agony of defeat using the glorious language that is El Espanol! You see this is what happens when I’m deprived of the sweet nectar of the gods that is Hospital De Tenticon! La Guerrea Estrella Venganza del revés de del oeste!

(And of course nobody has the slightest clue of what he just said…)

Tommy: Yeeeah… (He looks at Phil’s prize for a moment there) Wait a minute let me see that…

Phil: What?

Tommy: Oh *phew* for a second there I thought Dyl was trying to use my dad’s old scorpio medallion there.

Dyl: Tommy, are you saying that I would potentially steal something precious from our dear beloved father?

Tommy: In order to get Phil’s mold collection that he’s been making for weeks?

Dyl: Touché

Phil: Well that doesn’t mean anything, all I know is that I got this nice sweet piece of bling right here baby!

(Lil points at the “Made in China” letterings on the back of the medal)

Phil (feeling slightly defeated): Well its still shiny at least…

Kimmi: Alright you guys lets get ourselves ready, our next lessons will be up real soon.

Tommy (dryly): Yeah…

Kimmi: What's the matter Tommy?

Chuckie: Oh don’t mind him you guys, he is just still feeling sore over his lack of a good track record during Yesterday’s lessons…

Phil: Heh heh I dunno, he seemed to knew how to get a good grip on Lil yesterday with that lasso. So how do we know he just didn’t have alternate methods in mind? Heh heh heh…

(And of course Lil gives him a complete beating while being completely red-faced.)

Chuckie: Well all I can say is Tommy don’t worry your going to be fine and Phil, buddy? Masochism is not your friend…

Phil (Not completely conscious): Thank you cookie time… yes please?

Tommy: Yeeah lets get out of here…

(Later on that day during Dinner)

Kimmi (as she hands them their Mushroom Omelets): Here you go boys…

Dyl & Phil: YEAH!

Lil (as she is grabbing them away): Oh no you don’t!

Kimmi: *sigh* Lil, I made sure I used GOOD mushrooms this time okay?

Lil: Sorry…

Kimmi: Its okay I’m even going to give you guys some of the stew that me and Tiny made.

Phil: Oh really?

Kimmi: Yep, its called “Son of a Gun” stew!

Lil: Son of a gun stew?

Kimmi: Yep, Tiny learned that from a cowboy he meet with a while back. Nice guy but a bit odd, especially since he is also an aspiring samurai. Heh not that I’m complaining mind you… But still he said it’s a great stew that he’ll guarantee that it’ll blaze a trail…

Phil: Ooh… Sounds interesting…

Lil (dryly): Yeah…

Dyl: Yeah things have been going a bit better lately today.

Phil: Yeah Tommy didn’t tie you up as much as he did Yesterday.

Lil (with a slightly peeved look): Will you shut up about that?

Phil: Well to be fair Chuckie has probably got it worse what with him trying to be Angelica’s favorite Nanny huh?

Chuckie (while looking away): Ehhh… I don’t know what your talking about…

Lil: No need to be defensive there Chuckie, its not like he is speaking out of experience here.

(Needless to say Phil did not comment as he stabs his Mushroom Omelet so. Meanwhile later on that night as Susie has another little meeting with that cow.)

Susie: Alright you, my evil plans been postponed long enough. Time to finally get this over with!

(The cow tries to offer Susie some of the grass, she turns away feeling a little awkward.)

Susie (thinking): What is this? That cow is offering me some of her food? Is she trying to make peace with me? Heh heh alright you cunning beast of burden I’ll play along with your little mind game here…

(A short while later we hear Susie laughing)

Susie: The secrets of the universe are so obvious! Eh heh heh heh… (She now has a rather sudden blank look on her face and as she is looking towards the cow) Uhhhh… Who am I again?

Cow: Moo

Susie: Yeah that's what I thought, I so had it all wrong about you, your pretty swell.

Cow: Moo

Susie: Thanks you have an intelligent way with words, I’m sure your plans of Fusion-powered Jet cars will change the world.

Cow: Moo

Susie: Awww… thanks, you too…

(During the next morning at Thursday, Susie runs into Angelica.)

Susie: *pant* *pant* Eh heh heh heh…

Angelica: Huh? Oh your still wanting to be evil huh?

Susie: I’ll have you know I’m definitely evil enough!

Angelica: Oh really?

Susie: Yeah I slept with a cow last night!

Angelica (with a rather bit of a sadistic smile): I’m the illegitimate mother of a baby ostrich.

Susie: Grrr… CURSE YOU! (And as she runs off shouting) I’LL BE BACK! AND WHEN I DO I’LL BE THE MOST DIABOLICAL ONE EVER!

Angelica: Yeah… that’s nice…

(Then Chuckie walked over to Angelica then… )

Chuckie: Hello Angelica…

Angelica: Hey Chuckie…

Chuckie: I actually managed to teach Reject not to walk off too far and tied this small bandanna on his right ankle. Oh yeah and I learned that Reject is a boy…

Angelica: Heh that's cool…

(As Kimmi stopped to look at them)

Kimmi: Sorry for eavesdropping but what is this?

Chuckie: Oh hi Kimmi, I’m just giving Angelica my progress report.

Kimmi: Progress report?

Angelica: Yeah since he spends time with Reject the most he gives me little “Progress Reports” about what he has been doing with Reject every now & then. And a good amount of the time when that happens I temporarily take care of Reject for a little while to give him a break.

Kimmi: Oh really?

Angelica: Yep, okay Chuckie I’m ready…

(He then lets Reject walk over to her Reject then made a rather affectionate sounding little squawk to her that kind of in a way sounded like “Momma”.)

Angelica (smiling while trying not to cry): Oh my…

Chuckie: Angelica are you okay?

Angelica: Ohhh… okay I’ll take care of Reject with you more often.

Chuckie: Huh?

Angelica (As she puts one of her fingers to his lips): Shhh… no need to say a thing Chuckie, I know now that it would be for the best to be around for this sweet little creature more often. Besides its like you said it wouldn’t be fair to give a certain responsibility to someone more by themself. So I’m gonna be with you more often for little Reject…

Chuckie: Well… okay…

Angelica: Great lets see what should we do about Reject first okay?

Chuckie: Uhhh… sure…

(And as Kimmi watches them walk away she at first looked dumbfounded then had a nice little smile soon afterwards. Apparently she wasn’t quite sure to be happy or confused. Anyways things pretty much went as usual until a later on that day in the saloon.)

Little Red: Hey there…

Susie (slightly-depressed tone): Hi…

Little Red: What's the matter?

Susie: Oh I kept on trying to tip a cow lately but I just can’t seem to do it…

Little Red: Cow Tipping? What are you talking about? That's just an Urban Legend…

Susie: Urban Legend? You have got to be kidding me…

Little Red: Nope, just some silly little hoax some city slickers made up.

Susie: Ah I see… *sigh* Just like Alligators in the sewer…

Little Red: YOU MEAN THERES NO ALLIGATORS IN THE SEWER?! NOOOOOOO! That's one of the reasons why I ever wanted to go to the city, and I always wanted to get me some tail!

(Now Susie is for once the one with the rather confused look, however after a brief moment of silence…)

Little Red: Wait a minute… What about Crocodiles?

Susie: Yeah them too…

Little Red: Ah shoot… *sigh* As if this week wasn’t weird enough… Angelica and that guy in the glasses have a kid… Tommy keeps lassoing Lil by accident and that Phil guy once tried to get on top of that trashcan… You city slickers just don’t make sense…

Susie: Oh I can answer that for you…

Little Red: Oh really?

Susie: Yep, its quite simple, you see I’m an aspiring evil dictator out to maliciously enslave mankind for all eternity.

Little Red: Huh?

Susie: Too straight-forward to you? Okay I’ll explain, you see I’m leading a small group of elite soldiers to take advantage of this place and use it as a base of operations for my eventual dominance of this whole planet.

Little Red: Oh you don’t say…

Susie: Oh but I do say, you see those three over there? (Pointing at Kimmi, Phil and Dyl over at the food counter.) The young girl there is a scientist out to make various sorts of concoctions; the young man in the left is her willing test subject. The tests have been going smoothly for the most part except when his sister warned them that she accidentally used explosives in one of her designs. The one on the right occasionally does that as well… But he also functions as a scout surveying the premises, and occasionally does maintenance on this place’s horsepower. And as for those two over there you might ask?

(She points to Chuckie and Angelica trying to give Reject plenty of loving attention.)

Susie: Their working on a project of trying to breed a race of Super Ostriches.

Little Red: Super Ostriches?

Susie: Yep a powerful race of super-strong, super-fast and super-intelligent beings.

Little Red: Oh wait a minute isn’t that their “kid”?

Susie: Well they try to raise it as their own, they’ve grown rather attached to their specimen. They have those kind of “issues” if you know what I mean. She might seem to be a bit of an insubordinate occasionally but even I will admit that she hasn’t outlived her usefulness. Besides once I rule the world she’ll probably get over the fact that she went from vile urban crimelord to one of my evil minions once I begin my reign. You know normal stuff like that…

Little Red: Yeah… normal…

Susie: Uh-huh (while pointing to Tommy and Lil) and he is testing out the sturdiness of your robes and she is his frequent test subject.

Little Red: But I thought those were accidents…

Susie: That's what we wanted you to think. She also tests out the concealed body armor she had underneath her regular clothes. The old man with us is a subordinate of ours, whom he and Tommy over there orchestrated our arrival upon this area and he supervises our work, he once served in the US army doing that kind of task. But his history there is quite top secret in the US government, very “Hush Hush” sort of speak.

Little Red: Okay… one question… Why are you telling me this?

Susie: Simple, you asked an explanation for this and that is what you just received. I admit I may’ve suffered from a setback or few but overall the project is still running smoothly. Even if you tried to warn your superiors, we will soon bring in our reinforcements of bureaucrats and conspiracy theorists to conquer you all if necessary. Oh by the way, have a nice day… Heh heh heh heh heh heh…

Little Red: Okay… I’ll be going now…

(And as he leaves)

Little Red (thinking): Aw man what happened to the good ol’ days when City slickers usually come here to whine about this ranch not having the latest stuff or just staring at the horses thinking their so pretty. Ugghh… this is getting too much… Okay try to think of something good there Little Red, okay then… I got it, that Susie girl is clearly too whacked out to be telling anything that makes sense… So that means their probably ARE Alligators and Crocodiles in the sewer! YES! My dream can come true after all! Oh boy I knew something good might finally come out this! Yes!

(A little later on that night it was starting to get late, our two new loving parents were in the shack. Angelica is lying down on the bed with little Reject right beside her. Chuckie is right nearby playing the song “Wanted Dead or Alive” by Bon Jovi on his Harmonica while Angelica does back-up by humming it in a surprisingly sweet tone. They did this for a short while until they stopped. And then both Angelica and Reject feel fast asleep, Chuckie had a great feeling of inner peace inside. He smiled as he watches them sleep, even though he is an ostrich Reject looked as Angelic as any other sleeping baby to him. However he soon noticed Angelica lying there so peacefully. It warmed his heart to see how far she came over the years in her behavior towards others. He then plays the Harmonica again only this time he is playing the song “Desert Rose” from Sting. He played the song quite skillfully. He did not wake either one of them up, but Angelica had a nice little smile on her face as she hears him play. After he was done playing, her smile pleased him so. That little concert he just performed in may’ve been awfully small, but needless to say he was sure that it was quite a hit.)

(Friday came and surprisingly not all that many folks are inside the saloon at this time. All seemed to be peaceful including the song “Simple Things” being played on the radio. Except for Lil whom is cowering on one of the corners of the walls in which Kimmi approaches her and asks.)

Kimmi: Okay Lil what are you doing there?

Lil: Hiding!

Kimmi: Hiding from what?

Lil: Tommy! I just heard that he and his grandpa are about to start playing horseshoes nearby outside.

Kimmi: So?

Lil: So?! Hello! Have you forgotten whom his usual target is?! I’m SO not taking any chances here!

Kimmi: Lil don’t think your overreacting just a bit?

(Then one of the horseshoes came flying in breaking one of the windows and land right nearby them.)

Kimmi (dryly): I stand corrected

(Meanwhile outside as Tommy and Grandpa Lou play the game.)

Grandpa Lou: What's the matter scout?

Tommy: I’ve been training for days now and I’m officially the worst Cowboy ever.

Grandpa Lou: Don’t feel too bad sprout at least your friends are enjoying this trip.

Tommy: That's true, except for Lil… I kept trying NOT to rope her but for some strange reason she ends up being on the receiving end of my lasso. Heck knowing my luck she is probably hiding somewhere because I’m throwing horseshoes.

Grandpa Lou: That's reminds me of when I met your grandmother.

Tommy: Really?

Grandpa Lou: Yep right here in this ranch playing this very game.

Tommy: You mean she played it too?

Grandpa Lou: Nope, broke her nose while I was playing it. And also scout I will admit that I’m just as bad as you are at this, never did all that well here over the years.

Tommy: Really? In that case you’ll probably understand why I don’t want to go into the cattle drive tomorrow.

Grandpa Lou: I know your luck may not seem good but it isn’t all that bad. Most of your friends and Dyl are enjoying this trip, and besides most of the bad luck your getting is what you had to do alone. Your friends will be with you and I certainly don’t remember any problems you had with them. *Suddenly remembers the incidents with Lil* Well for the most part. But still, I believe in you Tommy, I know you’ll go through this well…

(And as Grandpa tries again with the horseshoes he then hears Senior Red shouting angrily.)

Grandpa Lou: Eh heh heh, I think we’ll call it a draw for now scout…

Tommy: Yeeeah… I think we did enough accidental property damage for now.

(Meanwhile back inside they find Susie passed out on one of the tables.)

Tommy: What the?

Chuckie: Yeah Susie hasn’t been sleeping well; she is feeling a little depressed over her “evil schemes” not working.

Tommy: How can you tell?

Chuckie: She wanted this as a Lullaby (Plays “Enter Sandman” from Metallica on his Harmonica for about a minute.)

Tommy: Ohhh… Yeah that would be a pretty decent tip there. Anyways how are you and Angelica going lately?

Chuckie: Oh just wonderful Tommy, simply wonderful I even got something to show you.

Tommy: Oh really? What is it?

Chuckie: THIS! (He shows Tommy a somewhat lengthy list of photos) Isn’t Reject so ADORABLE in these pics?!

Tommy (with a sheepish smile, thinking): Why did I suggest him to buy a Camera for our Summer Vacation?

(Later on tonight as they are about to sleep, Kimmi clutches onto a certain pic in her hands while rubbing it)

Kimmi: Oh I hope I can still be able to go to the Madoi Iroiya fanclub meeting next weekend…

(Meanwhile nearby)

Lil: Huh?

Angelica: One of the other fanclubs she goes to, main reason why she usually has those two big puffs in her hairdo nowadays. I’ve always been cool with it especially when she brings me pics of Madoi’s rather interesting associate “Mr. Match”.

Lil: Oh really?

Angelica: Oh yeah, you see this guy? (She points to Chuckie already sleeping) Picture him about a little over 10 years older, with facial hair, and considerably more build and no glasses. And you just might have an idea of what I’m talking about here.

Lil: Ahhh… I see, heh that explains certain things…

Angelica (in a slightly dry tone): Heh, no comment…

(It is now Saturday and just about every one of the kids are right outside ready on ostriches.)

Kimmi: Hmmm… Wonder where Tommy is?

Chuckie: He might not be coming, heard he was still pretty depressed over how he never did well in the lessons we’ve been having throughout the past few days.

Kimmi: Oh really?

Tommy: Actually I thought I might come after all…

All the others: Tommy?

Tommy: Yep, been thinking about it lately and I decided to go along with it anyways…

Chuckie: That's great Tommy, though did you manage to get back up on the Ostrich yourself?

Tommy: *sigh* Nope, my grandpa and Big Red got me up on it. But hey all we’re doing is riding these things over to where we are supposed to go right? Even I can deal with that much, besides unlike our training this doesn’t rely on my skills here or lack thereof. And since I’m quite confident you guys will be just fine, I thought I might as well go too.

Big Red (on his horse instead of an Ostrich): Alrighty then, we’ll get these Ostriches over at my Sister’s place that's not too far off from here. Alright everyone lets move out!

(And they did and as they traveled a bit further from the ranch.)

Angelica (while wearing a plaid tank-top and denim short-shorts): Hope your enjoying the view up there Reject! Cause its gonna be smooth-sailing from here! YEE-HAW!

(Nearby)

Lil (Dryly): Thank you Daisy Duke…

Kimmi: Now now I’ve seen her wear more “questionable” attire before…

Lil: Oh really?

Kimmi: Yep would you believe that was originally a swimsuit?

Lil: Huh?

Kimmi: Ah yeah you should see the ones that’re much more obviously…

Lil (dryly): No thanks I’d rather only look at things with any decency thank you very much.

Susie (thinking): Hmmm… Maybe I had it all wrong with cows, sure Dyl did tell me that they are not what they seem but still… Ostriches seem to be the main focus of animal in this ranch, maybe I can shift my focus into them more… but the question is… how?

(They ride through the dessert and things seem to be going well at first but until suddenly the Ostriches became restless. They became too wild to ride on and some of the kids jumped off while some of the others feel off. Big Red got off his horse and tried to calm them down but to no avail. and to make matters worse he got knocked out by one of the rabid Ostriches. They ran off, but as Little Red gets his pappy back up on his horse.)

Little Red: I’m sorry but I’m afraid I’ll have to go get my Pappy back in the ranch in order to get all the treatment he needs. I’m afraid you guys will have to handle the ostriches here…

Phil: You honestly expect us to be able to do that?!

Little Red: I know, I know I’m sorry! But still my pappy won’t do us much good knocked out like this! We’ll be back as soon as we can get my pop back to normal! Until then just try to hold them off!

(And as Little Red rides off back to the Ranch….)

Tommy: Ah great what are we gonna do now?

(They all look at him)

Tommy: What?

Dyl: Look Tommy, I know hardly ever play the role of the “sound of reason” here. But throughout the years you’ve always been a great leader to us all. I know things haven’t been going that great for you lately but this is something well above those cowboy lessons we’ve been getting lately. Whenever we’re all in trouble you’ve shown time & time again on how you can lead us all out of it, right guys?

(They nodded in agreement)

Tommy: Thanks you guys, okay we better get started! They may run fast but they couldn’t have gone TOO much farther ahead. Lets go!

(They all ran to where the Ostriches ran off to, they ran for a little while until they came to a dead end.)

Tommy: Pant… pant… Lucky for us, they didn’t run off into a straightforward path…

Chuckie: Hey wait a minute, I think I hear something…

(They hear the sound of car engines revving up and its coming closer.)

Angelica: A car? Who’d be driving out here in the middle of nowhere?

Tommy: I dunno, especially since there were no cars of any sort back in the Ranch. Lets hide at those rocks over there until we make sure if the people in that car are on our side.

(They agreed to it and hid nearby, but the car in question wasn’t a car, it was actually a small truck.)

Kimmi: Boots… Belts… Burgers? Oh no their Ostrich Rustlers… They’re gonna take the Ostriches from us…

Tommy: Not if we have anything to say about it…

Lil: But what can we do Tommy?

Tommy: I dunno, you guys stay over there for now. I’ll be at that rock nearby them and take a good look at the area while I try to think of something…

(And it happened, Tommy went over and watched the area… The Truck stopped and 4 guys came out and took a good look at their catch of the day.)

Ostrich Rustler A: Well it looks like we got quite a bunch here huh fellas?

Ostrich Rustler B: Yeah we’ll probably make an even bigger profit than what we usually get this time around.

(Angelica then searches herself for a bit until she realizes that Reject is not with her.)

Angelica: Oh no…

Chuckie: What's the matter?

Angelica: Have you seen Reject lately, I can’t seem to find him…

Chuckie: You mean he is not with you? Oh no this is bad…

(Then they rushed over to the rock that Tommy was on and kept watch over there themselves.)

Ostrich Rustler: Alright boys its settled, you handle making the belts, you handle making the boots, and you handle the burger patties.

Ostrich Rustler D: Why can’t I be the one to make the burger patties? I’m hungry!

Ostrich Rustler C: You recently just ate…

Ostrich Rustler D: Yeah about an hour ago with a bag of chips from a snack machine!

Ostrich Rustler C: Okay then…

(He grabs a small baby ostrich in which of course ended up being Reject.)

Ostrich Rustler C: Why don’t you eat this little bugger?

(And of course Chuckie and Angelica look at what's going on in shock and fear.)

Ostrich Rustler D: This puny little runt?

Ostrich Rustler C: Hey think of it this way, it’ll take a lot less time to cook it so you can have it as a little something over until tonight’s dinner.

Ostrich Rustler D: Heh heh okay…

(He whips out his knife and he holds it nearby Reject, now Chuckie and Angelica’s faces go from terror to anger.)

Ostrich Rustler D: I suppose its fair enough, don’t wait on me guys I’ll be right back heh heh…

Tommy: Not good, so not good…

(And as the Ostrich Rustler holding Reject was about to walk back inside the truck. Chuckie and Angelica leaped out and rushed right at them with a good old fashioned battle cry. They knocked the 1st 2 Rustlers down with a good punch.)

Chuckie (as he has the 1st one by the throat): GIVE ME BACK MY SON!

Ostrich Rustler A: HUH?!

Chuckie: Not talking eh?!

(He repeatedly punches the guy while Angelica makes sure the 2nd one got knocked down for sure by ramming her elbows on his face. Now all the kids are watching this beatdown from a distance, wide-eyed in shock. The 3rd one was awfully scared and ran off, Angelica readied her lasso and gave it a good toss as she snugs the guy’s neck and when she pulled the rope he fell flat on his back. And after a nice quick dash over to her victim, she pulls on the rope while very repeatedly stomping on his crotch for a little while. The 3rd Rustler screamed in excruciating pain while the 4th Rustler’s mouth flat-out gaped as he drops Reject. After torturing the 3rd Rustler long enough she kicked him in the face knocking him out and then went over to Reject and tried to comfort him. The 4th one then suddenly tried to make a little sneak attack and stab them both with his knife. However Chuckie quickly noticed and ran over there swiftly and fiercely stabbed the 4th Rustler in his right eye with his Harmonica. While the rustler covers his face in pain, Chuckie jabbed him in the gut with his Harmonica. While he was covering his stomach, Chuckie kept whacking his face with that Harmonica plenty of times like as if he was rapidly slashing him with a sword. Then he finished the guy off with a couple of upperslashes that knocks the 4th rustler right on the truck toppling it over. He took his hat off for a moment, tossed the Harmonica up in the air then he grabbed the harmonica.)

Angelica (with a slight blush): Wow… (Rejects squawks in joy) Yep, Reject he is your daddy alright… (Reject makes another cheerful squawk) Ah yeah to call him Awesome is an understatement indeed…

(The others look at them in shock and while Susie rethinks her strategy with the Ostriches…)

Tommy: Well needless to say its not quite what I had in mind, but hey who am I to complain about a success like this? Anyways we should take it from here by tying these rustlers up at that nearby rock while these two bond with Reject a bit more.

(The others nodded in agreement, and after they were all done doing what they were doing there, they head back over to the path on their way to their planned destination. Things seemed to be going nice and peaceful at first but unfortunately their troubles on this trip have not quite ended yet. It was starting to storm, it didn’t seem so bad at first but it rapidly grew worse very quickly. The Ostriches once again got startled and went wild again. This situation is awfully different from their last one. And since its obvious that Berserker Battle tactics won’t work this time what are they to do? Fortunately Tommy came up with a plan on trying to redirect the Ostriches their way out of the huge mud puddle their now in. Unfortunately his attempts on trying to lasso the rocks were unsuccessful. Lil quickly noticed this and got off her Ostrich and ran over to those rocks and…)

Lil: Over here Tommy! You can definitely do it now, trust me I know…

Tommy: Okay!

(And he did, and luckily since she actually anticipated it this time she managed to dodge it and Tommy’s Lasso got on the rope. Since he finally succeeded on that part now he has to get the 2nd part of his plan in action... It took him a while to get it done as he had a heck of a time struggling to keep his Ostrich under control. But he managed to pull it off and got to redirect his Ostrich out of the mud puddle and the others soon followed. Sounds a bit unlikely you might ask? Not really especially since the weather was starting to clear up. Now as that mess is over with they get back on their trail. Unfortunately as they traveled a bit further Angelica noticed a certain something was missing…)

Angelica: Reject? Reject? Reject?! Reject?! Where are you?!

Chuckie: Oh no, Reject’s gone again?! Oh where can he be?!

(They frantically checked everyone including themselves, and as they can’t seem to find him…)

Chuckie & Angelica (as they hold onto each over crying): WE’RE BAD PARENTS!

(And as they loudly cry, Lil noticed something in a nearby mud puddle.)

Lil: Look!

(She made a mad dash over there and found Reject there.)

Chuckie & Angelica: REJECT!

(They ran over to that Mud Puddle and once again give Reject plenty of loving attention.)

Chuckie & Angelica: We’re good happy parents…

(And as Lil is suddenly having a little too much appreciation of being back in the mud.)

Lil: Heh heh heh… C’mon in Tommy, the mud’s just fine…

(And as Tommy hides behind his Ostrich)

Tommy: Eh no thanks, I’m fine…

(And as Lil plays in the mud while Chuckie and Angelica play with their “child”.)

Kimmi: STOOOOP!

(And they did, however Kimmi walked over to Chuckie and Angelica and…)

Kimmi (in a really cutesy voice): Can’t auntie Kimmi come to pway?

Chuckie and Angelica (with slightly creepy smiles): Sure!

Kimmi (with a really cutesy smile as well): Yippee Skippee!

(And as Susie enters into that mud puddle to give it a good inspection…)

Lil: Hey don’t be a slouch Phillip! I’m still the best mud wrestler between the two of us!

Phil: Not if I can help it! (And as he grabs onto Tommy and is carrying him…)

Tommy: Hey what are you doing?

Phil: I just thought I be a good brother and bring you as a present.

Tommy: HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! I’M BEING KIDNAPPED BY A LUNATIC HERE!

(And as he now grabs Tommy in front of him.)

Phil (with a somewhat sadistic smile): Ever wanted to be in some good old fashioned mud wrasslin’?

Tommy (looking completely creeped out): Ehhh… no…

Phil: Well too bad cause youse gonna get it anyway…

(Lil comes out and grabs Tommy in, they began to wrestle with Tommy right between them.)

Tommy: Get… off of me! AAHHHH!! (As his legs are in the air)

(Dyl looks at the mud puddle for a few moments there as he was surprisingly quite silent about it at first. But that will soon change as he then starts to laugh maniacally, he then soon got the attention of everyone in the mud puddle. And as he stops laughing…)

Dyl: I have a little something to say… So y’all better repeat after me… *Ahem* Este mundo se hace de...

Almost everyone there: Este mundo se hace de...

Dyl (while making a “Peace” symbol on his right hand): ¡CAMOR Y PAZ!

Everyone except Tommy (also doing the peace symbol as well): ¡CAMOR Y PAZ! ¡CAMOR Y PAZ! ¡CAMOR Y PAZ!

(They did that for a while and went back on their path over there, fortunately there were no more problems that occurred on their way over there so they finally successfully delivered the Ostriches to where they are suppose to go. And as they are back into the ranch later on…)

Chuckie: This is the best week I ever had Tommy! Never in all my life how I FEEL LIKE A MAN!

Angelica (while giving Chuckie’s head a slight rubbing): Heh heh, I’ll be the judge of that…

(Now Chuckie stood straight up with his face in the same color as his hair…)

Tommy: Eh Chuckie what did Angelica mean by that?

Chuckie: I’ll… tell you when you’re older…

Tommy: Ooookay…

(Later on that night)

Angelica (To Little Red): I know I’ve been kind of mean to you over the past few days and I wanted to say I’m sorry. Its just that I’ve been so busy lately…

Little Red: I understand now and apology accepted.

Angelica (in a more cheerful tone): Yeah and since you seem to be a nice guy, me and Chuckie here though that it would be for the best to have you take care of Reject when we head back home tomorrow since neither of us could get Reject into our separate homes. But remember, don’t mess up otherwise we’ll horribly mutilate and brutally torture you through the eons. Ain’t that right Chuckie?

Chuckie (Also in a more cheerful tone): Uh-huh…

Angelica: Okay then, buh-bye Reject, Mommy will miss you…

Chuckie: Daddy will miss you too…

(They walked away trying to give each over good “moral support”. Then Kimmi walks over to Little Red and whispered this to them…)

Kimmi: Don’t worry, they just had a rather rough busy day with him today. Treat Reject well enough and they’ll be a lot calmer next time.

Little Red: Thanks…

(And as Chuckie and Angelica sat on a nearby fence)

Chuckie: This is the most exciting summer vacation I ever had! Too bad hardly anyone is going to be believe me about it.

Angelica: Oh I dunno I’m sure I can get something accomplished about that, after all its one of the most exciting summer vacations I ever had as well.

Chuckie: Ah yeah, too bad we’ll be back into our overly normal boring lives when we get back home.

Angelica: Not necessarily, we don’t have to get things back to normal too much if you know what I mean.

Chuckie (with a slight blush): Oh really?

Angelica: Ah sure after all you are the reason why I’m here having a great time instead of being in Summer School thanks to that project we did a while back.

Chuckie: Ah yeah I remember that now. that was a rather interesting experiment.

Angelica: Ah yeah oh by the way cool glasses you got there…

Chuckie: Oh these? Dyl gave them to me just recently, he says they’ll look better on me.

Angelica: Heh for once I have to agree with the little weirdo, they actually do look better on you.

Chuckie (while slightly tipping his hat): Well thank you kindly ma’am…

Angelica: Alrighty then Cowboy got any other songs you can play?

Chuckie: Ah a request? Be more than happy to oblige milady…

(He plays the Kid Rock song “I wanna be a Cowboy, Baby” on his Harmonica while she stands up and dances. Meanwhile as Tommy and Lil are walking about…)

Tommy: Well this turned out better than I thought it would, in a way…

Lil: Yeah…

Tommy: By the way thanks for helping me lasso the rocks in that mud puddle

Lil: Your welcome though… (with a bit of sheepish smile) sorry about that Mud Wrestling in that other one…

Tommy: Eh its okay heh heh…

Phil (with a bit of slurr): Hey youse crazy coo cats why doncha set a spell and chill the funk out…

Lil (in a slightly bitterly tone): *sigh* Okay Phil, what did you get into THIS time?

Phil: Heh heh heh… Susie was right you should try the grass the cows eat. It’ll knock your socks off…

Lil: Just when I thought Kimmi could’nt give him any weirder choices of food huh?

Tommy (dryly): Yeah this trip has been just full of surprises huh?

Lil: Yeah…

Tommy: Though speaking of lunatics, Phil have you seen Dyl anywhere lately?

Phil: Ah ya mean that crazy cat? That groovy mofo is making a superfly journey to the darkside of the moon…

Tommy: Lil, could you translate that if you please ?

Lil: I think I can, okay I think he means that Dyl is wandering about the area himself…

Tommy: Okay then, not the first time it happened here. We’ll just leave him be until he comes back later…

Phil: WHOOPEE!

Tommy: Besides we should get Mr. Happy here back inside…

(And later on that night as their ready to go to sleep)

Chuckie: Taking care of Reject was quite fun wasn’t it?

Angelica: Ah yeah heh heh…

(And as she places her right hand on his face.)

Angelica (with a rather seductive smile): Let’s have another…

(They both turn around, Chuckie with his eyes wide open and cheeks completely red, Angelica with eyes closed and a small playful smile.)

Angelica (with her fingers crossed): Just kidding heh heh…

Chuckie (in a completely nervous tone): Eh… heh heh… right, I knew that…

Angelica: Riiiiiight…

(Meanwhile nearby as both Kimmi and Lil were smirking with their eyes closed…)

Kimmi: Heh and to think this is why I told her that they couldn’t share that hay pile she found in the Ostrich Den.

(Lil’s eyes sudden opened and widened for a bit, then she tried to not think about it and tried to go back to sleep. Meanwhile outside Dyl gives the area one last good scouring until he finds some electrical wiring going into one of the shacks. He curiously followed the wires until he got inside. He stealthily walked inside the area to find…)

Senior Red: AAAAAHH!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

(Dyl just caught Senior Red watching TV in a big-screen plasma TV.)

Dyl: Ah-HA! I knew you were holding out on us!

Grandpa Lou (while just walking in): Heh heh I always wondered when someone else will find you out…

Senior Red: Ah man…

Dyl: Don’t worry I can keep a secret though it’ll have to cost you…

Senior Red: Alright just name your price…

Dyl: Just let me be able to watch Hospital De Tenticon!

Senior Red: Oh is that all? Sure thing kid, I got the whole series on tape.

Dyl: Cool!

Grandpa Lou (dryly while rolling his eyes): Ah boy…

(It is now Sunday and they are all back in their respective homes.)

Tommy: Well Dyl I sure learned something, I may still have good leadership skills but I should really stop trying to be the “leader” so much. They all are quite capable of taking charge of any situation by themselves so perhaps this trip really was for the best.

(Then he sees them out on the patio doing various odd things. Lil and Phil play in the mud, Chuckie and Angelica play house with her Cynthia Doll as Kimmi watches, Susie still writes her plot for domination.)

Tommy: Then again it can be all the more proof that I should never get them on a group trip to Las Vegas when we get older.

Dyl: Let me guess they didn’t get the note of “What happens in the ranch, stays in the ranch”?

Tommy: ‘Fraid not…

Dyl: Okay then… (He puts on a baseball cap and slightly bent bat, and as he was heading out into the patio) I’ll be right back…

(Then Tommy watches Dyl very quickly whack everyone there with that bat and none of them even notice it until it was too late. Don’t worry none of them will be in comas or have total cases of amnesia or anything like that. But was he done? Not quite…)

(Now just about all the kids are lying down peacefully on the grass in various positions while a soothing melody plays. What's going on you ask? Simple, Dyl laid them about in a nice even circle at first. Now he is dressed in a pink dog costume with a cheerful smile as he holds the radio. Tommy just stands there and stares, apparently it was for the best just not to say anything.)

THE END


End file.
